Back in 1971, I lost our beautiful, full-term baby, our perfect little Marcus, the day he was born. Today I still can’t find the words to describe the shock, the horror of our loss. It was nobody’s fault, and the doctors did what they could but couldn’t save him. (Marcus died due to Vasa Praevia which can be detected today. Please ask your doctor for this harmless test during pregnancy. Read more).

But what made it so much worse was that, afterward, I was given a bed in the maternity ward. There I was: the only mother in the room without a baby in her arms. Every other family was sharing the joy of their new baby. My husband, Fred, and I were so utterly grief-stricken; I worried about what we were going to say to our own family and friends. Or how on earth we were going to tell our little boy, Tom, that we weren’t bringing home his new brother or sister after all.

Fred said it was ridiculous and insensitive of the hospital staff to have placed me in a maternity bed. But the doctor had explained that the professionals thought it was best to keep me in this area, because the post natal specialists were close by.

Fred didn’t want to leave my side, but visiting hours ended. He rang me after he got home, but there was nothing more to say, really. Just tears.

I tried to sleep but during the night, whenever I’d hear a baby cry, I’d long that it could have been Marcus crying. Or hearing the woman next to me groan (understandably) from the pain of her episiotomy. And I’d wish that I had her pain instead of mine. The other mothers in my room had noticed that my baby wasn’t with me but none of them seemed to know what to say. One of them look compassionately at me, but all I could do was give a weak, fake smile and look the other way. They didn’t know what to say, the poor things, and neither did I. Fred and the fathers had had the same awkwardness.

One by one, these mothers went home with their babies. I went home too, but my arms were empty. It was just so awful.

Thank you for reading my article. I wrote it in order to passionately ask all the professionals out there to not do this to their patients. You see, some people have told me that times haven’t changed this way. So I’m here to advocate for change, because having to recover in a maternity ward, after suffering pregnancy or infant loss of any kind (miscarriage, stillbirth and neo natal death) makes it all so much worse. Please don’t do this to bereaved parents anymore. Find another solution. Thank you very much.