Nothing felt so powerless as when my husband and I lost our babies. The doctor said nothing could have prevented our miscarriages. It was a nightmare for us, and for our loved ones. We all felt so powerless.

Grief is always hard, but the grief of pregnancy and infant loss is beyond compare. 

Although we feel powerless, there are actually many things we can do to honour our babies, and to help us cope. The following is not an exhaustive list of resources: just some options that myself -- and many others -- have benefited from:

Naming the baby: For us, it was too early (miscarriage) to know each baby’s sex, so we chose unisex names. It has been so much easier on us emotionally, to speak of our babies by their names – instead of always referring to ‘the baby’. Our babies were real human beings: having a name symbolises this fact,  and helps us to heal as well. 

Planting a Tree:  in honour of your baby. Every time I water, prune, weed around, etc one of our special trees, I am comforted by taking care of life – it’s hard to describe, but so comforting. Our garden is now a sacred place, too.

Writing a Memorial: Written words that honour your baby also provide comfort and healing. These can be: published in newspapers; displayed in your home; up on a website; etc.

Jewellery:  that commemorates our loss. Usually bearing the baby’s engraved name, it comforts many parents to always keep their baby’s name with them. Some links:
La Belle Dame
My Forever Child
Remembering Our Babies

Grief Counseling: it’s surprising how long and overwhelming grief is, after pregnancy or infant loss. And we’re not ‘equipped’ to deal with it, because it is just not spoken about. One-to-one or group counseling has helped scores of parents cope with their grief. To find one, we suggest asking at your local hospital or community centre.

Blog Boards (online communities): many websites have blog boards for people who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss. Since Western society shrouds our loss by taboo, we feel so alone – not realizing this has also happened to so many others. Blog boards allow us to become part of a supportive community. You’ll find people like us there who all understand, because we have all lost babies too. Grief is worsened by isolation; so joining a community can be of immeasurable help. Check out:
Baby Center
Pregnancy.org
Canadian Parents