Telling people your baby has died is always hard. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if your loss occurred due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neo natal death. Loss is loss, grief is grief. As a loving, bereaved parent, telling people is not going to be easy.

But you’ll probably feel much better once everyone has been told. I sure did.

I hope these words can help: you do have options and here are some tips as well.

One way to tell loved ones and co-workers is to send a simple death announcement. This can be very helpful, since you won’t have to tell everyone, one at a time.

Another option is to write an obituary. Michael and I did this, and it really helped: it let people know, and it acknowledged our baby. Acknowledgement helps people move through the grief.

To give you an idea, the death announcement we wrote was: “We’re saddened to announce that our baby, Cameron Michael Draper died on 30 Aug. 2003. Please take comfort while you share our sorrow.”

Michael and I also chose to tell our own parents, verbally. And by doing that, we were able to help them too. You see, we asked the stronger ones (my dad and Michael’s mom) if they could let others know on our behalf. This helped us enormously, and it gave them the chance to be of help at a time when they, too, felt so sad and helpless.

Personally, I found it draining enough to tell our parents. I’m glad we didn’t have to tell everyone ourselves. But I am glad we got to tell them: somehow, doing so seemed to help prepare us for learning to live with our loss. I don’t think we bereaved parents ever forget, but today I live at peace with our loss, and I hope you soon will too.