The Hardest Decision of All: Whether to End a Pregnancy
- 27-11-08
- Categorized in: What Can I Say?, What Can I Say?
It was a horrific nightmare. I went to the doctor, expecting all to be well – but the ultrasound showed that all had gone horribly wrong.
I have to say that there is absolutely nothing worse than hearing that something is wrong with your baby.
Our baby had developed anencephaly– a severe brain deformity where the chances of survival are almost nil. And for those babies who do survive, they have no quality of life for they are never conscious (read more).
People may judge my husband and I because we decided to end it. You may think: "I'd do anything to have a baby, sick or not.” Only my mother knows the real story of what happened to us. 2 years later, I am still filled with guilt even though we know it was the best decision for our baby.
Here are some of the kindest words people have said. If you have a friend or family member in this terrible situation, and you are struggling to find the ‘right words’ -- here are some suggestions. And if you are a doctor or other professional, I hope these suggestions will help you in your practice, too:
“Though you may always question your decision, it was the best one for your baby.”
“It was a loss. You didn’t do anything wrong by choosing not to have your baby. Anyone who really thinks about being in that situation would not judge you.”
“All the secrets you feel the need to keep must weigh on you daily. Maybe you should tell people what you went through. Maybe they need to understand your pain.”
“You are such a strong couple, to have made the choice that you had to make.”
“Clearly you are still in mourning and you know, that's alright.”
“You did what you felt was best for your baby, and I totally respect that.”
“I wish that you wouldn’t feel guilty and judged. I wish people would remember that it's not them making the decision. We all have limits of what we can and can not handle.”
“It’s sad that you have both made such an unselfish decision and yet you feel judged on top of all the other horrible feelings you are having.”
“I have nothing but respect for you being able to do what you felt was best for your baby, even though it completely broke your heart.”
Thanks for reading.
The fluid surrounding his brain had gotten much worse in the days between the appts. We were told our little angel would only be able to suck, swallow and cry. He would not have any other brain function.
My husband and I have been trying for 3 years to get pregnant. Having done all the fertility treatments. This was our 2nd IVF. How do you make a decision like this? Especially after what we went through to get to this point?
Hearing that our son would have no life quality, we made the horrifically awful decision not to make our son go through that.
I was induced on 11/5/08 and our beautiful son was born on 11/6/08 at 21w3d.
Many hugs and tears go out to you.