I was so lonely, confused and depressed when I lost our baby to miscarriage. It was so sudden and shocking, and it shattered our plans and my confidence about being able to have another baby.

I didn’t need to be hospitalized, which was a blessing. But at the same time, only needing to see my GP made it seem like less of a tragedy than it really was.

Unfortunately, others down-played what had happened. Many tried to encourage me to get on with life, and even forget about it. They were actually well-meaning people, trying to reduce my pain, and instill hope with comments like: “You’re young, Penny. You can have another.”

But instead of decreasing the pain, they increased my loneliness and isolation! Their words made me feel like I shouldn’t have been upset, and even that I had no right to feel any pain.

So I remember thinking: “If it was ‘only’ a miscarriage, then why am I so upset?” It was very confusing.

Eventually I realized that despite the well-intentioned (but upsetting) comments, I knew how I felt about losing our baby. My dreams were shattered. Sure I was young enough to have another, but I had wanted this baby, and now this baby was gone. My baby was gone.

I had been expecting a baby, and then suddenly I wasn’t. I had already bonded with my baby -- and love is love. Love for one’s child can not be erased – even if it is the love for a child you had never seen. When someone you love dies, it is natural to miss them. When an unborn baby dies, it’s no different.

So please just say that you’re sorry to someone you know who has lost a baby -- whether it's your loved one, or your patient. That’s all you need to say, and all that will really help anyway. I know you mean well – after all, you are visiting this website and you have nearly finished this article! This shows me that you are a caring person, and your loved one / patient is very lucky to have you.

Just please understand that when a baby dies early, it was not “just” a miscarriage: it was the death of the person's baby, their dreams and their hopes.

Thank you for reading my article.