Whether your baby died due to miscarriage, stillbirth or neo natal death you have my sincere condolences. I don’t think one loss is easier than any other. Bereaved parents are challenged at any stage by the grief caused by pregnancy or infant loss.

I can only speak of my experiences and offer a few tips I learned. When our baby died from Congenital Heart Disease (CHD), we were very lucky to have a strong support network around us.

When Cameron died after being born alive, we felt deeply sad, angry, confused and ‘robbed’. The time we waited while he struggled to live seemed like forever. After the happiness of pregnancy and giving birth to a baby who seemed so healthy, it was such a crashing, almost surreal blow to learn that something was terribly wrong.

I remember feeling so inadequate and powerless, and overwhelmed with concern for Cameron’s health. I am so grateful to our hospital’s staff members: they were so supportive.

Here are the tips they gave us, and more for other parents: 

• Tip: Find out how the hospital staff can help you. This is their profession after all, and (tragically) they have a lot of experience with pregnancy and infant loss. So they may be able to help and support you with resources, and in more ways you might imagine.
• Tip: Sometimes the baby has to be taken to another hospital, while the mother might be kept at the hospital where she delivered -- so the father has to leave with the baby. Ask a family member or friend to stay with the mother, and also to relieve the father (so that he can be with the mother).
• Tip: If possible, some hospitals may transfer you with your baby, so you won’t have to be separated at all. Just ask them if this is possible.
• Tip: If the baby’s father is not around, family and friends are all the more important. Make sure you ask them to be around. No one should be alone at this painful time.
• Tip: If your baby died shortly after birth and you didn’t have the chance to see or hold her or him, this can be especially hard. Ask for pictures and ask the nurses to share with you their memories and stories of your baby.