Pregnancy and infant loss is a horrible ordeal. The pain of this grief lasts far longer than many people would imagine. Also, the grief can be just as intense, whether the baby was lost to miscarriage, stillbirth or post-natal loss.
Once they have passed the shock and denial stages of grief, parents tend to have a lot of questions they want answered. This article will present answers to one of their most difficult questions: “What do I tell my other children?”

Obviously, if the children have not been told about the pregnancy, it is better to not tell them about the loss of the baby -- unless they are old enough to understand the grief that they may observe in their parents. As a general guideline, they would need to be over 11 years of age to be able to understand and rationalize the loss.

But sometimes little children (and older ones) knew that their mother was pregnant. This is especially the case when loss happens later in a pregnancy – once their mother’s abdomen had grown big. These siblings were looking forward to having a baby brother or sister, so an explanation is (of course) necessary.

Keep it as simple and honest as possible. A few, well-chosen and age- appropriate words are better than complex explanations.

For example:
· The baby was not strong enough to keep growing and to be born.
· This baby was just beginning and was so tiny that it just stopped growing.
· It did not hurt the baby at all, but we are sad that this baby could not grow.
· Sometimes, very beginning babies are just not strong enough to grow.
· Sometimes, when the cells are dividing fast, something goes wrong and nature/God lets life go from that potential baby, so that another one might be created.

I hope this article helps in your search for answers. It is my pleasure to support this website, and my hope that it will bring faster healing to the millions affected by pregnancy and infant loss.

To all parents and siblings who have lost a baby, you have my heartfelt condolences. I have also lost four lovingly anticipated grandchildren before they were born, so I do understand how heartbreaking and difficult this can be.