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- A Funeral for our Baby
A Funeral for our Baby
- By Kristin .
- Published 10/01/2010
- For Parents , For Professionals
- Unrated
Kristin .
Kristin and her partner, Michael, lost their first baby at 8 days of age -- due to an undetected congenital heart defect. Cameron had been a full-term baby, otherwise born healthy. Cameron is survived by his younger sister, Lydia.
View all articles by Kristin .
If your baby has died, you have my deepest sympathy. There’s nothing worse for a parent to go through: whether miscarriage, stillbirth or neo natal death. For my husband Michael and I, our grief was enormous. But having a funeral for Cameron really helped us with the grieving.
The decision to hold a funeral or not confronts us bereaved parents, but in our experience, there were many benefits to having one. Personally, I think this is not a "right or wrong” decision; it’s up to each baby’s parents to do what feels right for them. I can only share our own experience, and give you a few tips Michael and I learned along the way.
Cameron’s funeral let our family and close friends come together and comfort each other, and to acknowledge Cameron as well as our grief. In contrast, one friend told us that without a funeral, he and his wife had none of these benefits: there was no ‘closure’ to this personal tragedy, without this formal acknowledgement of their baby’s life and death.
If you’re going to hold a funeral, we strongly suggest that both parents plan it together; again, this is about closure. I’ve met a couple of mothers who were in hospital during the planning, and one was not even able to attend her baby’s funeral. As a result this poor mother was devastated all the more, which is so tragic and completely avoidable. Please check with the laws where you live: in many countries there is no law that says the funeral has to be held as soon as possible.
Also, please shop around. When parents are expecting a baby, we usually spend so much on baby furniture, etc – in our case, Michael and I had no money left for a funeral. We were so unprepared. So we shopped around, and it didn't take us that long to find a funeral home that let us pay in no-interest instalments. Funeral directors tend to be very compassionate and caring people: they seem to understand that these times can be difficult financially, so many might already have instalment plans in place. If you need one, I hope you’ll ask them.
Lastly, funeral home staff have considerable experience in these matters, of course. So their resources and suggestions are often very helpful. They often provide follow-up care, a lending library, and more.
The decision to hold a funeral or not confronts us bereaved parents, but in our experience, there were many benefits to having one. Personally, I think this is not a "right or wrong” decision; it’s up to each baby’s parents to do what feels right for them. I can only share our own experience, and give you a few tips Michael and I learned along the way.
Cameron’s funeral let our family and close friends come together and comfort each other, and to acknowledge Cameron as well as our grief. In contrast, one friend told us that without a funeral, he and his wife had none of these benefits: there was no ‘closure’ to this personal tragedy, without this formal acknowledgement of their baby’s life and death.
If you’re going to hold a funeral, we strongly suggest that both parents plan it together; again, this is about closure. I’ve met a couple of mothers who were in hospital during the planning, and one was not even able to attend her baby’s funeral. As a result this poor mother was devastated all the more, which is so tragic and completely avoidable. Please check with the laws where you live: in many countries there is no law that says the funeral has to be held as soon as possible.
Also, please shop around. When parents are expecting a baby, we usually spend so much on baby furniture, etc – in our case, Michael and I had no money left for a funeral. We were so unprepared. So we shopped around, and it didn't take us that long to find a funeral home that let us pay in no-interest instalments. Funeral directors tend to be very compassionate and caring people: they seem to understand that these times can be difficult financially, so many might already have instalment plans in place. If you need one, I hope you’ll ask them.
Lastly, funeral home staff have considerable experience in these matters, of course. So their resources and suggestions are often very helpful. They often provide follow-up care, a lending library, and more.