When Reiko, a gifted sculptor, heard about my first miscarriage she gently asked: “Can I make you a statue of Ojizo-san?”

In her native Japan’s Shinto faith, Ojizo-san is the god who protects unborn children. Japan even has temples and shrines dedicated strictly to their tiniest angels.

This is a victory the Japanese achieved roughly 800 years ago. They realized that grieving loved ones needed to honour the babies who passed away due to pregnancy or infant loss. And that they would benefit from trusting that Ojizo-san would look after their tiny souls, with watchful and loving eyes.

For centuries, what comfort the Japanese have reaped, since their culture honours their loss. Centuries later it’s still considered normal: the grief from pregnancy and infant loss is acknowledged, respected and socially cared for. Long after their baby has passed away, parents and others are able to visit these shrines and temples whenever they wish.

Returning to Reiko, I derive great comfort from the statue she made for us. Standing 30 cm (12 inches) high, it adorns our living room. But outside of our house, living here in Australia, our grief is simply not talked about. Which prolongs this grief in the West. In contrast, Japanese parents don’t have to keep their grief ‘under wraps’.

When will the West emerge victorious too? Isn’t it astonishing that we lag roughly 800 years behind? We suffer in silence because we don’t want to make others uncomfortable. We still don’t want that– all we want is to have the depth and the length of our grief respected.

In my lifetime, social taboos have been smashed over other sensitive issues: child abuse; disability; mental illness; etc. Remember when inappropriate words like “crazy”, “handicapped” and “retarded” were the acceptable norm? Times have changed and much healing has taken place: child welfare is our top priority; people with disability are no longer locked away; and mental health goals have gained society’s close attention.

I have faith that pregnancy and infant loss will be the next to rise from the murky depths of social taboo. I am grateful to the people who visit this website, as we all share the desire to find out more about how to deal with this loss. Its impact remains far reaching: 1 in every 3 pregnancies ends in loss. Therefore, millions are grieving around the world.

We come to websites such as these to either inform, or be informed. And as individuals, we are each making a difference – gradually raising this issue to ever higher social consciousness. Tackling issues such as mental illness, child abuse, and disabilities didn’t just materialize “out of nowhere”. Concern about them, sparked off by a few caring individuals, has roared into the flames of the social victories that they are today.

I have every faith that the same concern will grow increasingly for pregnancy and infant loss. And that one day, in the West, we will finally benefit from the same ease of healing that the Japanese have enjoyed for centuries. The time has truly come.

For another woman's exquisite, personal account of this part of Japanese culture click here